I've got a lot on my MIND!

Whenever I try to find and excuse for not remembering or not doing something I might use the excuse of "I'm thinking about a lot of stuff!" when in actuality I'm thinking about what it would be like to have a third arm, it's like I am using my new teenage-hood as an excuse to not answer the hard questions.

My New Job

Jobs were something I was originally afraid of getting. It was like the flu or something, If I got it then I thought I would have to ride it through until it was over. Now I have a job and it seems to be slightly invigorating, right now I am in an initiation stage, seeing if I can cut the mustard and work here.

I am working at a retro video and card game cafe and I work in their retro games department, ( I work at the end of the counter with the games.) It is a very odd place, and it doesn't seem like the best place to work, there is no room behind the counters, nothing is organized, almost nobody comes in to buy, and the back room is a mess, but for some reason I keep coming back. Maybe its the friendliness, maybe its the job itself. But for whatever reason I just like it here. It's my dream job, I get to stand around almost all day and sell video games to people who appreciate them as much as I do. It's just a nice place to get away from most of my problems. PART 2 COMING SOON

Punishment

There are some things I don't understand about punishments. I have never said that they didn't work, but they sometimes don't make much sense. For instance, the classic "You don't get any dessert tonight." after you took a cookie before dinner. I never understood how that was supposed to teach me not to take a cookie before dinner, I still had eaten the cookie, and not having one after dinner just meant that I wasn't going to get a second cookie.

It just seems illogical to punish me with going without something I already had. Sure a lot of kids see this as going without, but I have always seen it as something that just didn't add up. But that doesn't mean I never learned my lesson when it came to other types of punishments. The classic "go to your room and think about what you've done!" always got to me. I am a very emotional person and when I am told to think about what I've done, all that I can think of doing is to sit in a corner and think about how I am a terrible person and that I should just go die in a hole.

So in short, I have told a lot about myself and a lot about bull crap punishments.

Memories

Memories are a weird and odd concept to me, I mean it doesn't seem like you remember everything that has ever happened to you. Some things are forgotten and others are not. It seems to be that anything that happens to you that you want to remember will be remembered one way or another. Everything can't be remembered because not every single thing that happens in your day will be important in your development as a human. You may remember that time you tripped and skinned your knee, but for how long? An hour? You may never forget it. But I can almost guarantee that you will remember it as long as it still hurts. That's why I think some traumatic events are hard to forget. Bad times in your life may leave a scar on your psyche for a very long time. Once you get over that tragic event though, you may find it even harder to forget it. I think our brains were designed to retain specific memories in our lives because if we never remembered anything, we would never know how far we have come, nor would we ever know how to learn from them.

Believing

My younger self didn't understand  a lot of things. For instance, it baffled his tiny little mind that the green arrows in the car always knew which way we were going to turn. He told himself that it was magic, and that it was telling mommy and daddy which way to go to get home. He could escape to anywhere he wanted, all he had to do was believe and pretend he was there. He thought that he had superpowers, the ability to hear through solid doors, and the ability to make everything dance when he blinked one eye at a time. He thought that if he believed hard enough, he could be Spider-Man and climb up walls, shoot webs out of his hands and save the world. He was always believing that he was incredible, that he was the most amazing, creative, super powered, loved little seven year-old in the world. When he was eight, his mommy and daddy told him that they didn't love each other anymore. This was another thing he didn't understand. He was told everything was going to be alright, and that they just wouldn't be together anymore. He took a picture with his siblings and his dad, and another with his mom. From then on, he went from parent to parent, house to house, school to school, he never understood why these things were happening. As the years went by, he lost his super powers, he lost the magic, he lost his escapes. All he had left was the ability to believe he was loved.

Money Magic

Money seems to be a recurring concept on this blog huh? Anyway, I realized that money used to be a magical thing that no mere child could grasp within their own lifetime. Money was like pixie dust, even getting a quarter for a gumball was like winning the lottery. I remember when I was about 7 years old I was given 10 whole dollars.

 I had never had that much money in my hand before, 10 was a big number right? So with my shattered concept of money I thought it was safe to assume that this money would never run out. Later that day after I had bought a pack of gum and a soda. (Felt like I should treat myself, seeing as how this money would never run out.) I realized I had 4 dollars left. That is when I had my childish concept of money was destroyed in an instant.

I realized that money isn't infinite, and being only 7 at the time I knew it would take a miracle to make that money back up, and as I enter my 15th year I realize that money has lost its child-like magic, while at the same time it has gained a new magic. The new magic while not nearly as wondrous as the first is more along the lines of: THIS CAN NEVER RUN OUT. I NEED THIS TO BE HAPPY.

N.S.A. Watching

Ever since the N.S.A. came out in the open and said that they did watch us at all times, I have become very paranoid with what I say. For instance I was saying how a game was the "BOMB!" to my friend. I thought it was so cool that I had to bring back an old outdated phrase. But after I said this I thought "Oh crap, they might think that I'm a terrorist or something saying that the game case housed a small bomb or something. I feel like I have to be as patriotic as an eagle made of our american flag or else the CIA will be knocking on my door. So I feel like I have to always be nice to america.

I just feel like my own freedom of speech is being psychologically limited because I know someone, somewhere is watching me. That's no way to talk... now, if you excuse me I have to go and not do anything but sit in my patriotic corner.

Responsibility and Growing up

As I go into my 15th year on this planet I realized that I'm terrified of getting older. Even my dreams are getting responsible. Last night I had a dream about how I got a job and got underpaid and had to ask my boss why I wasn't being paid fully. It was the most terrifying dream I've ever had. It's scaring me because I may one day be that guy who tells everyone to stop laughing because it's giving me a headache. I want to be fun and adventurous forever and for whatever reason I don't think I will. I might go from this:

To somebody who hates everything and everyone. This scares me mostly because I will always age and  I will always become wiser to the point in which I won't do anything because I will know of its outcomes already because I know it won't end up like I want it too. So I guess I will leave you guys with a word of  advice. Live the way you want to and never stop yourself from doing something you wan to just because of-wait I forgot what I was saying and now I am sleepy g'night and whatever.

Blib blub Blog

This post is pretty much just me officially introducing you guys to my blog. This blog is in a single word: "realizations". Meaning anything I post on here is merely my own things that I notice in my own life. These posts will almost always be in the humorous context. Whether it be about life and its many odd ups and downs or about the average day realizations, I will always have some sort of humor behind it. But seeing as these posts will happen when I think of them. meaning I will post very erratically with seemingly now sort of schedule or cohesiveness. So yeah... Bye.

Brain and Stuff

I hate the feeling of not retaining written or filmed information. The feeling is very odd because I usually feel this way when I'm being fed info and I feel like its going in through one ear and out some other hole. Most times it feels like it's not even getting through my insanely thick frontal half of my forehead. It's like the information and my brain are on very different wave lengths and just choose not to get through to my severely starved brain.

The only way I can see anything getting through is if it has no real life applications or it has to be manually injected into my brain.

New Years Resolutions

New Years resolutions are complete bull. I noticed that when anyone asks me what mine are they put in their own little suggestions. A conversation would most likely go like this: "Hey, Alex what are your new year resolutions?" "I don't know gimme a-" "Hey! You know what be a great one?" " What?" "If you stopped eating stuff in the living room." "Uhh.... sure...." I see that New Year Resolutions are something people take advantage of. They'll just say all the crap that is wrong with you and just tell you to put it on your resolution list. Well I think that if I just did all of everyone's new year resolutions Suggestions that I would turn into a freakish blob of matter that couldn't possibly offend or annoy anybody.

Out of Control

I realized that I don't like not being in control of my life. Not things about what I'm going to do today, but things that I know I can't control but want to. For instance, time. Time to me is something I should be able to control only when it fits me. Scenario: I want money. In this scenario I think of the only logical solution... Will myself to go back in time from the future and put money where I want. Of course this doesn't work and it is often anti-climactic. But know matter how many times I need money, I still attempt it and still and get no money. Future me is selfish douche-bag.

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